The Weird Secrets of Cagliari

Cagliari, Sardinia, Italy
Friday, September 9, 2016

Cagliari, the capital of Sardinia is awesome when you can find what you’re  looking for. But good luck with that! Every inch this ancient city is a mystery grab bag treasure hunt type experience, where you try to find something, but there’s no signs or specific info pointing toward its whereabouts. Even if you’re looking for a specific attraction, their website gives vague information, like a street but with no number…or a street address you can’t enter with a car.

The town might even be populated by Vampires! During the day it’s a ghost town, then at night people are all over the place. The merchants of Cagliari definitely need some business advice on how to earn tourist dollars. (They don’t seem interested in selling or prepared for it)  But for now, if you want to find something you better freakin’ work hard and hunt for it!
And somewhere during your hunt you might end up buying something you would never own in a million years. Cagliari has a subtle impermeable way of influencing you until you cave in and roll with the way things are.  My first search was for the AirBnB of Roberta–a small room in her top floor apartment for only 35 euros per night–which helps even out getting hozed on the expensive shit, like gas and renta car insurance. Pretty much everything other than gas and car insurance is reasonably priced in Sardinia. A tank of gas is about $80. Local stuff is a good deal. I never shop in Europe, too pricey– but shopping in Sardinia is fun. Most of the clothes and shoes are made locally or made in Spain, so no cheap-o Chinese slave-made stuff for sale here. The prices are super low compared to mainland Europe. It seems like they don’t WANT to charge you a lot. The Jews haven’t discovered Sardinia yet. The French haven’t discovered it yet either. Food is also moderately priced. And you’ll stumble upon thoseTunisian guys selling those same bags you see on the streets of New York and on any street of any tourist city are here too. It’s never hard to find those guys..,Take a walk anywhere and you’ll find them sitting on the curbside selling sunglasses and knockoff designer bags that will fall apart in a week or two. The Pakistan’s have corned the market on selfie sticks. As for finding my room, I’m not worried, my GPS seems to know where the apartment is. But it tells me to turn down a street that I don’t see a single car on. After receiving several traffic tickets in the mail from Italy over the past few years, I know better not to attempt going down a desolate street with a car. The polizzia are hiding somewhere with cameras. On the freeways, they have a little trick. They put up signs for speeds that are very low, like 50 & 80 kilometers. So naturally you want to drive faster, and you notice everyone else is flying past you if you go the speed limit. But guess what? All those speedy German tourists are going to get tickets in the mail. Don’t be tempted to speed–or drive down streets where you don’t see any cars and just people walking on. I backtracked up a steep hill crowned by a massive Castle, and parked in their garage. 6 euros a day was nothing compared to France where it was 35 euros a day. I take it! So I rolled my luggage down a huge hill and down another hill where my AirBnB room was. This means I’ll be walking uphill if I forgot something in the car.
After settling into my room (five flight up the stairs with my suitcase) I take a walk up another steep hill to Piazza Yenne where supposedly there’s a tour bus that drives you around the city. It’s not a hop on hop off bus. That’s the one people like and use most often. No, just offer something less appealing.  After reading all the details about it on Trip Advisor, I seriously couldn’t find the bus. There were no signs around anywhere, so I up gave up and wandered down the steep hill to the waterfront. I found a restaurant down a dark alley that didn’t look very exciting, but it started raining at that point, so I settled in and order some grilled tuna. The waiter told me the fish they serve is caught fresh everyday. The tuna turned out to be the most amazingly fresh and flavorful tasting fish I ever ate. My advice here, is eat as much fresh fish as you can–IF you can FIND IT. You might have to wander down a dark alley, they haven’t figured out how to use YELP or Trip Advisor yet. The smart thing every restaurant does here is they give you their card with the check. After all, how else would you remember where you ate? After the awesome fish, I knew the rest of the trip would be a treasure hunt full of surprises. I definitely like following Trip Advisor and Yelp, but sometimes you just have to discover things for yourself.  In my case, it was before, during and after walking up and down that steep hill multiple times! The next morning my calves felt as hard as baseball bats. This must be a good thing. Can I get that same effect for everything else on me that’s sagging??
I got a late start the next day and the street was a ghost town. Stores were closed. And no one was around aside from this old dude selling rings he was making. Was he the only Non Vampire here that hasn’t been bitten yet.?  I found kind of a cool ring and it was 10 euros but he didn’t have change of a twenty in bills, just a whole bunch of coins. He actually left me alone standing at his table with all his shit and ran up the hill to try to get change. I could have robbed him blind and left! Either I look like an honest person or his ability to sell really sucks. He came back with no bills, and handed me a pile of coins that equaled 10 euros.  As I wandered up and down the hill laughing at all the cheesy rhinestone covered clothes and shoes , something weird happened . A supernatural power pulled me into a Store that sold bedazzled shoes. Maybe one of the Vampires owned a shoe store and hypnotized me?? I felt myself losing all control of my own will and the power of Satan forcing me to buy GOLD sandals!! What??. I would never buy or wear gold sandals. I think they look ridiculous. But I bought them. For 50 percent off. LIke the Speed limits on the roads… Everything seems to be 50 percent off. You drive half as slow as usually drive, and you pay half price for anything with sparkly shit on it. Now I own gold shoes for the first time in my life. Oh well, if I wear them in Miami no one will notice. But maybe these tacky gold shoes had magical powers. As I walked back UP the hill for the millionth time, there it was .., the tourist bus parked in a tow away zone.

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